I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
