i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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