Sorry, I don't speak sober.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
