Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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