Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
