just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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