Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
