Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
