i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
