If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
