I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
