i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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