he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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