fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Houston, we have a squirter
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
