So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
