You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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