yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
