Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
