like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
