You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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