If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize