dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
