Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
