I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
