im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I still have a little drunk in my system
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
