Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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