why didn't you poke me back
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
