Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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