two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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