What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
