i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
