I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
