i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
