hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
