Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
