i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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