But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
