Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
