my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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