so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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