Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
