all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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