I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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