I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
