I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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