MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
