So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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