Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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