what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
