i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
