Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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