The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
