So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
