The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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