my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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