You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
