I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
