i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
