worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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