How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
