if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
