I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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